I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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