Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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