Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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