There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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