At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She said her name was "party"
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
