I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Farmville is her only friend.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
