She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
