He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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