While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
