You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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