I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
