I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
