ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
