Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
