So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
