She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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