Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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