he looks like a really good dad on facebook
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
