i will never coherently bang her
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
