It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
