Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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