remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
