I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Everyone says I win the strip club
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
