Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize