It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
