My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
