Dual....:-)
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
