There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
