the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I skipped work to stalk him.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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