Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Screwed.edu
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
