Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
