ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Of course I have a pirate flag
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
