Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
