Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize