If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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