her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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