so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
