I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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