I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
