yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize