in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
