Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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