Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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