you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
