The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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