Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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