you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
