with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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