Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
