sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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