another moral hangover. fuck.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
