I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
True strength comes from lack of pants
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize