Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
