I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He felt like a one man threesome
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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