bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
