i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
