Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
