I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
