I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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