You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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