Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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