her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize