Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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