I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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