His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
