Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Two words: blizzard sex
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
