So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
