i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
