Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize