remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
