Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize