"it" just moved
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
