I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
